Of all the things we try to learn and comprehend in this life, without a doubt the most complicated has to be other humans. Each human is unique because of the circumstances that created them and the variability of their personalities, give way to unlimited possible outcomes. Each human experiences the world differently. Each person takes their experiences, emotions, and environment and create something different. Siblings raised in the same home and environment can be so varied in the humans they became. It could be one experience, one trauma, one interpretation of either, and you land on a completely different plane of life.
Each of us is built of similar material but even a slight difference of timing, of emotional maturity, of support from others, of previous experiences can drastically change the impact and outcome of even the most mundane event. That is the beauty of the human. Our personally grown uniqueness. No set of eyes sees or interprets an event the same. No set of ears hears the same things in words or music. No nose smells what the others smell. I am sure we get extremely close to sharing the exact same experience with others, but never is it identical.
This uniqueness and pure unpredictability is what makes it so incredibly challenging to learn who another person is. To be able to move together in knowing one another. It is frustrating, confusing, hurtful and also beautiful, exciting, and interesting to do what we call develop a relationship with someone. It is the least exact science of all the things we do. It is based on feel, emotion and mostly educated guesses. We are given only the training we receive from the relationships we develop with others as we grow. There is no manual or book, although many will claim to have one, and some may be helpful. But nothing provides all the answers, to all the people, all the time. In fact, I would venture to say that nothing provides half the answers, half the time, to half the people. It is an enterprise that requires interactions, pain, failings, delight, happiness, intrigue and love. It is the only way. It requires patience and kindness above everything.
While we must always protect ourselves first, we do have to be open to others. It is a tight rope you learn to walk better as you grow. We need to guard against those that wish to drag us into their abuses and detrimental behaviors. It isn’t that these persons are “bad” but that they are not beneficial to us right now. We must also be aware if we tend to cast off others too quickly because we are confused or bored. If we are safe we can continue to learn from these people. We can continue to inquire of them who they are, why they think the way they do, because allies and friends are often found in the strangest places. We find those that inspire us and motivate us among people you initially thought could never provide that. People will come into and out of our lives bringing knowledge and heartache both, and they are each just as valuable. Cherish all these experiences as they build us and shape us.
Humans are weird, quirky, odd animals. So it is only fair to say that our relationships would share in that oddity.