I think one of the greatest tricks that gets played on us in the modern world is the idea that we must grade our value and feeling of self-worth on how the world sees us. That we have to wait for the feedback we receive from others to either like or not like something we do, wear, create, or say. This absurd belief that complete strangers are given control over our emotional state as we sit by and wait for their judgement. Judgements from other and social approval has been going on for some time, but with social media we have invited the world to the judge me party.
We had been in small groups of 150 to 300 people that we concerned ourselves with. Trying to impress them with our decisions, our clothes, our music tastes, the books we read, the things we owned, or what we did for a living. We have been structured by unconscious teaching from our environment, from the media, even from explicit statements about what is acceptable, righteous, or the current in thing. This was pressure from a contained community. One we had to endure and learn from as children. If we didn’t like those communities we could just leave when we were old enough, and many of us did. We went out to find physical communities that allowed us to experience different ways of thinking. we could then decide if that change was beneficial. Those days are gone. Even if we physically leave places now, most of us have elected to tie ourselves to an online presence that we feel required to maintain.
We know there is a certain level of our humanity that desires, and to some extent requires, social acceptance to maintain a healthy sense of self. We are social beings that crave those interactions. We need the feedback from others to guide and mentor us through life. It isn’t that these social ties, both in person and online, can’t be helpful, it is that we have to identify the voices that are offering us guidance and healthy feedback. Identify the people that love us and want us to be successful. The people who are cheering for us and being strongly honest with us when we don’t want to hear it. Those are the interactions that bring richness to our lives.
However, the greatest gift we can give ourselves is understanding that real long lasting acceptance comes from the values and morals we display with our behaviors. If we respect others, act courageous, protect the weakest, seek love, are gracious, value life, seek truth, and are hopeful about humanity we don’t need to await the approval of others. When we make those values the basis of our actions we can feel that we are doing the right thing. Judgements will always come, but we consider them against our values, not against what will bring immediate social acceptance. We understand that we decided to build a base to stand on, not a costumes to wear. We then learn to seek to impress people with our humanity, not our shoes.